Wednesday, May 30, 2007

A curveball

So today was a good day at work. HUng out with B as much as possible during the day. I've been working out lately, trying to get into better shape. I'd like to drop 10-15 lbs, tone up some. B's in great shape. GREAT shape. Womanly shape. SLender and curvy and soft in an extrenely sexy way. So we were talking about working out.

She told me we should take yoga classes together at the local YMCA.

Yoga...I'm not sure ihow I feel about that. IT almost borders on the verge of me being "just one of the girl", which is a concept that is at odds with my penis. My penis has no "just one of the girls" feelings for her, unless my penis is a lesbian. So I'm a little confused on things. Yes, it's an excuse for us to hang out, which iI'll take any excuse I can to spend time with her. BUt I so don't want to be "one of the girls". Never heard of a woman asking a guy friend to go to yoga classes with her.

However, I wouldn't mind seeing her hit some downward dog poses whilst wearing some nice form fitting workout gear, getting a little bit of a sweat going, seeing just how flexible she is, which will be good to know later, hopefully. I want her sooooooo GD bad. And I don't want to be her "male girlfriend", unless her husband gives her the OK to have some hot lesbian sex. with me.

WEll gotta go. It's whack night and I've got a pud to pull.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sigh

So, my friend came over the other night. I haven't seen her n a while, but she was in town to see her folks (her Dad hasn't been well). Her husband stayed home in Memphis and worked.

She's abit frazzled. So we had talked about getting together, just to screw, have some fun and what not, which is what I was planning on. BUt she really needed to talk...so me being me, I was there to listen. SHe's worried sick about her Dad. She's never, ever lost anyone close. Not her grandparents, not an aunt, uncle, cousin, sibling, parent. No one. It's amazing to think, especially at 32, that the family she rew up with is still all intact. Everyone else I know has at the very least lost a grandparent. But not E. So I just listened, for a couple of hours. SHe talked about how scared she was. SHe's worried about how she'll react when she has to hear someone say, "He's gone." And that's a painful phrase to have to hear. Take it from me first hand. She doesn't know how she'll be able to take care of her mom, living in Memphis. Not that her Mom needs taing care of, she's only in her mid 50s. BUt E worries about not being able to be there in a moments notice if something happens. Her older bro is kinda shiftless and not reliable.

It's just taht when you know someone you love is dying, you can't help but run scenarios. All the what-ifs that come along with the impending death of someone who's been there all of your life. She's a basket case.

And she had to make the trip alone, and spend those hours driving, only her own worries to occupy her on the trip up. He could have taken off work, if he'd really wanted to, she said. She asked him to, but he's one of those workaholic guys, always trying to get ahead, but letting the really important stuff fal aside. I hate him for it. I barely know him, but I hate that he didn't make the trip with her. To be not just her husband and do his damn job, but to be her friend that she knew beyond all doubt that she could count on to be there for her.

That, apparently, is me. Turns out she didn't run into me by coincidence. She made a call or two, knew where to find me and "bumped into me there". In most cases it's a little stalker-y, but she really just needed to see a friend.

So we came over, and she talked and I listened. And I told her what I knew about the kinda thing she's going through. And she cried. A lot. And I threw my arm around her, and pulled her in close, just hugging her. Holding her. And she pulled in closer, and let the weight of her body kinda fall into me. And I'd brush away the tears everynow and then, and stroke her hair. And she said "You know I love you." And I said, "Well, ya know I love you too" and I kissed her on the forehead. And she kissed me on the neck, and we kissed a little while, and I held her hand and gently carressed it. She said "I love you. Really."
And I know she does. And I love her too. The way that makes you be there for people, just to let them talk when they need to.

Then we went to bed. No sex. No foreplay. I ended up just wrapping my arms around her and letting her fall asleep. And the only thing I could think was how much I wished it was B in my arms instead. It'd be so much easier if she and her husband would just wake up one morning and decide they weren't a good match and cal it quits.

The thing about the way I am, I'm not proud of it. I know it's wrong. BUt when you're just screwin' sneaking around. The intrigue of it. The "what if we get caught danger" of it. The rush I get from making another man's wife come. That's the easy part.

It's this stuff. The being there for someone who needs me. The really caring about a woman, more than just needing to get laid. BUt really having a meaningful emotional relationship, even if it's just for one night. I mean, I know it meant the world to her that I was there for her. And that it wasnt' about fuckin', but that she knows I love and care for her enough to be there. That's the one thing in my life, about myself that I don't loathe. That I genuinely love and care for these women and want to see them happy.

Trust me I know I'm a bastard, a heal. And I know the things I do are so very very wrong and immoral. And I don't want anyone to think I'm justifying what I do. BUt fuckin' a married woman is easy. It's the loving them that's most troublesome. I know if E was single, I wouldn't have to wake up alone most mornings. I'd have someone I could be there for. And that she wouldn't have moments like this, when the one person who should be there for her isn't. I could never do that to my wife. I could never not be there for her when she's in pain, afraid, worried.

I fuckin hate this life sometimes. I'd love to not be the piece of shit I am, find a nice single girl, and start a decent life with her. NOt hate the person I am.

Now I'm depressed. Think I'll go jack off, hopefully it'll help me sleep.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A Quickie Update

So, I'll tell you about the first time I "hooked up" with a married chick later. I was gonna tell that story tonight, but I ran into an old friend tonight and she's on her way over. I told her she'd be the star of tonight's blog, maybe tomorrow's, if she is exceptional. When she reads this, I FULLY expect HER TO CALL ME, whether she's at work or not...hint hint.

I'm eatin out tonight kids!!! Mmmmmm. Christ I love the taste of a married woman's wet. Wish me fuck!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Intro to my current obsession

So, I have a thing for married women, apparently. I wish I didn't. I've tried to be over it. BUt I just can't get past it. BUt dig 'em, and more often than not the dig me back, mainly because I'm usually the complete opposite of the douchebags they married.

I'm not regularly nailing a wife right now. I've got one, that when she comes into town to see her family, we get together and fuck a couple of times. She's a good friend, hell, a GREAT friend, and like all the married women I sleep with, I adore her for so many different reasons. BUt she only makes it in a couple times a year, and well, that's a long time to go without. And I do miss her when she's not around. She makes me feel really good about myself (and I have some mental damage due to some fairly painful relationships that went bad before I embraced my love for married women).

Anyway, there's a friend at work with whom I've developed a really strong bond. When I started work, she was single, not dating. And we just kinda knew each other as co-workers. She met a jackass and started dating, and about that time, she and I had to start working together more closely. We became really good friends. We enjoy hanging out all day, we make each other laugh, we discuss the idiocy of the company with one another, and spend of lot of great time together on the clock. I think she's great. Let's call her B. And she is HANDS down the hottest woman I have ever known. She's the kinda girl next door hot that intimidates the shit outta me, cause really, I'm not very attractive at all. But she, good god she's gorgeous, and built in the most perfect of way. Great tits, great ass, a perfect hourglass figure. And she's got a great smile and beautiful eyes. And I want her.

A couple months into her relationship, maybe 10 months, she point blank asked her guy if they were going to get married, 'cause if not, she'd rather find someone who was thinking about that. Sure it's a little flighty. What do you really know about somone in 10 months? You know whether or not they're good in bed, but that's really about it. He, not really being very bright, popped the question 2 weeks later. She said yes. I was crushed, really, cause I had hoped that maybe she'd be someone I could really get to know about and care about, but they aways seem to go for the guy that's not me.

So I congratulated her, listened to all of her wedding planning, while secretly sporting wood for her on low-cut shirt days and thinking about her tight wet pussy whilst rubbin one out.

We got closer as friends, started talking on the phone more, going to lunch together more frequently during the week. She started opening up more about her love life, romantic life. Her hopes and dreams. HOw she at one time wanted to be a professional musician (like in an orchestra), but wound up in advertising sales.

So they got hitched. I went to the wedding. She was gorgeous. I've been to a number of weddings, and have never seen a more beautiful bride. And she was all huggy and grabby and hung out with me when she could at the reception. And I never wanted to be with a woman more. That new married smell I guess.

So they did the honeymoon. And a long week later, she was back to work. And for whatever reason, more than before, she touched me a lot as soon as she got back. Lot's of huggin, lot's of grabbing me by the arm and hand. Lots of playful bumping up against me. And lot's of looking at me with a big smile on her face. And zero mention of her husband. She rarely talks about him specifically. It's more or less like she's married, but she keeps any and all mentions of it free from our time together. Weird.

So what do I do? Do I go for it? Two years later, they're still hitched, and our friendship is stronger than ever. And her marriage, I'm pretty sure it's been rough lately. How do I know? What causes me to think it. SHe talks more about their disagreements. She comes into work looking tired, and a little sad, but by the end of our work day together, she's in a good mood and smiling BIG at me, and always stops by to bid me a "wonderful evening and I'll see you in the morning".

And then, two weeks ago. a couple of weird things happened within a week's time. So the first thing is, we sit pretty close to one another, a couple desks away, but within eyesight of one another. And so I'm slaving away, and I glance in her direction, and see her looking back. But not just looking back. She's staring at me, intensely. With that look on her face. It's not just a friendly glance, it's something deeper, something that's got her deep in thought. So I stare at her for a second, and shoot her a smile, to maybe lighten her mood. And nothing. She's still thinking...hard. So I do a kinda goofy wave and smile an even bigger dumber smile, and the absolute slightest grin crosses her lips, but her eyes, show she's still very deep in thought. So I turn and get back to work. A minute later, I shoot a glance her way, and she's STILL staring at me, deep in thought, except this time, she's sad, she looks like she could cry. And I smile at her, but now she doesn't even see me. She's looking right through me. And so I go on about my work, not really knowing how much longer she kept staring at me.

The next day, on a break, she comes up to my desk/work area, and she's puffy around the eyes and she's wet-eyed. And she sits down. She's on the verge of breaking down and crying, this much I know. so I say, "Hey..." and she says "No, don't" And I say "But...are you OK," And she drops her head and says "Please..don't. Tell me about that movie. That one you said I should go see. THe funny one." And she refuses to look at me, but I can see tears streaming down her cheek. And I start talking about the flick, Hot Fuzz, and I go pretty much through the whole movie. And it takes a while, but she stops crying, and starts smilling a little bit. Then she's able to look me in the eye as I talk. Then she'll only look me in the eye. She never glances away. I heard somewhere that if someone looks you in the eye for more than a minute without glancing away, you'll either be involved in a bitter fight with them, or you'll be making love. Think about it. A minute is a super long time to look at a person and not glance away, not even for a second. But we didn't. I talked to her, eye to eye, she said almost nothing for way more than a minute. And all I could think about was how much I loved her at that moment. So she stayed with me for a really long break, and when she left, she was smiling and laughing. And she never told me what the problem was and never mentioned it again.

Then, later that week, we were goofing off, chatting, and got to talking abut the Food Network, and how I think Rachel Ray was so much cuter before her talk show, and when she had more meat on her bones. Her cute factor has gone down considerably since the magazine and TV chat show. It's depressing to think about how cute and boneable she used to be, Anyway, on one of her shows, Rachael had gone to Jamacia and we were talking about were we'd each vacationed and how neither of us had been to Jamacia. And she looked me straight in the eye, and said, "______, We should just move to Jamacia." And then there was silence and a long deep gaze, and a sly smile. She tapped me on the knee, smiled and left.

And I for whatever reason, got hard. I want her. In all the right ways. Sure, I want to fuck her any and every way known to man. I want to fuck her at home, at work, at her house while her husband's away. I want to bend her over and ram it as far up her ass as possible, mainly cause she won't let her husband do it, so she tells me. But more than the other married women I fool around with, I want to fix this one dinner. THe next time she comes to me crying, I want to be able to pull her close and just be there for her, and not have to say a word for her to feel better. I think I'm maybe falling a bit in love with this one. In love in the way that I may want to break up her marriage. I'd like to break it up before we fuck (which, having been in this situation several times, I know it's coming). I wouldn't mind spending every day of the rest of my life with this one. She makes me happy in ways the others don't. And she makes me happy in pants.

So should I? Married women, I need your advice...am I reading the signals wrong?

Next time I'll tell you about the first wife I ever had a sexual encounter with. It was great, and I didn't even have to take my dick out of my pants. It's a good story.

Monday, May 14, 2007

I Have To Be Honest..

So, here's the deal.

I'm the guy that's every woman's god damnned best buddy. I'm funny as fuck, I'm the nicest guy ever. And every woman I know trusts me as a friend. They trust me enough to tell me too much. I get to hear about the good stuff, but I also have to hear about the bad stuff. How it's not going well. How their husbands all self-centered, knuckle draggers, who care more about their beers and their sports and their buddies. How they're unhappy at that moment. And how they feel alone more often than not.

And well, I'm perputually alone it seems. I can't get into any kind of serious stable relationship with single women. Hell, I'm not a good looking guy I'll admit, but I'm not the biggest troll to ever walk the earth. I'm wicked smart, well mannered, sensitive and well-read.

Single women just don't go for me though.

But my married female friends...mother fucker, do they love me.

Most all my adult life it's always been that way. And I was always a good guy, always passed up on certain opportunities that came my way. But then one day something changed. Something in the brain told me I needed a change in my life. And something in my cock agreed.

So now I fuck married women. Only married women. And I'll tell you all about it. From the first to the most recent, to the one I'm working on now.

And she's a stunner, and still a kinda a newlywed (just a little over two years {that seems new to me anyway}, and it's on the rocks, and she's my friend, and I love her like that). And she's miserable, but I desparately want her to be happy, to not feel alone, and to know how much I truly love her. And she'll never leave him.

And her husband's an ass and she could do better.

But she and I. We're gonna fuck. And she's gonna love it.

So stay tuned and I'll tell you everything, 'cept for names and addresses.